Grieving into the New Year – New Beginnings

My goodness.  Learning to live each day that you are grieving is difficult enough, but when you must face a whole new year that’s right in front of you, this can be totally overwhelming and can seem quite frightening.  You can feel very lonely and empty and can feel very reluctant to face the New Year.

It’s natural to look at the past as being your safe place.  This was the place that we felt good and whole but looking into the new year, this is all new territory, and everything seems different.

Where you are in your grieving as we approach or move into the new year, will mean that it will feel and look different to different mourners.

Tips to help you face the New Year:

• Ensure you are getting needed rest.  If you are feeling exhausted from being a caregiver or from acute grief, focus on your physical and emotional recovery.  If you are physically able, take some gentle strolls, or even just sitting outdoors if the weather allows.  Early morning or early evening can be a great time to do this as you can listen to the bird song.
• Give yourself a mental break or rest.  Try listening to some soothing music, or prayer, or if you are a tv addict, watch some uplifting or light-hearted programs.
• If you have religious or spiritual belief, connect with the local minister, priest, or like-minded groups to encourage gentle socialising.
• Find courage to live in the future by living in the present, one day at a time.

ALLOW GRIEF TO BE PART OF YOUR NEW YEAR

Be kind to yourself.  Whether this is your first year without your loved one, or you have had many years but still dread moving into another new year, it is important to acknowledge how you are feeling and give yourself time to grieve and to feel sad.  These feelings can be overwhelming.  But remember that you will not always feel like this.  Grief can be exhausting and when you are grieving around Christmas and New Year which may also be a busy time in your life, you need to give yourself some time to sit, reflect, nourish yourself and then move forward into each and every day as it comes. 

A well-known grief counsellor, author and educator around death, Dr. Alan Wolfelt wrote “If mourners see themselves as active participants in their healing, they will experience a renewed sense of meaning and purpose in life.”  He describes a mourning ritual as a “symbolic activity that helps us, together with our families and friends, express our deepest thoughts and feelings about life’s most important events.”  Below are some rituals that you might like to try as you move into the New Year:

• Cook you loved one’s favourite meal – This a simple ritual but coming together over a meal helps those who are grieving and can open conversation recollections of special meals together. 
• Carrying a special item – Whether it’s a handkerchief, watch, or piece of jewellery, carrying such a personal or special item can bring a sense of connection and comfort.
• Light a candle – This simple act of lighting a candle can be a very powerful ritual for remembering a loved one… especially when other people are present.

• Write a letter to you loved one – Sometimes there are things left unsaid especially if your loved one died suddenly or unexpectedly. Writing these down and even reading them to them or to a photograph of them can be very healing.
• Go to their favourite outdoor spot – Nature heals! Go to that special place where you may once have shared holidays, picnics, walks or simply sitting at that favourite spot.

GET SUPPORT

• We understand that these may be difficult times for you and if you would like to feel supported by a professional, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us (03) 539 0066 or aloach@simplicity.co.nz
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