Trouble with the waterworks

It was November 19th last year. Tami Nelson appeared at the Theatre Royal with her Kingmaker show. It was well worth waiting for, having been postponed from its original date due to Covid.

The place was rocking, the theatre was packed, and getting through the fans was a challenge as I joined the throng headed for the toilets at intermission time. In through the doors – and what a relief – still the old-style line of urinals, about 6 from memory.

I take my place among the other gentlemen, who I notice are of a similar age to me – or slightly older. And there we all are, all lined up, and all waiting for something to happen; I’m looking at the ceiling nervously, hoping that I’m not still standing here when the rest have all moved out. But we’re all thinking the same thing, and we’re all still standing there, so I say, “They should take our age into account for the intermission; by the time anything happens it’s time for the show to start again. And about ten minutes later we need to go again!’ We all laugh, all having trouble with the waterworks.

But trouble with the waterworks is not so much of a laughing matter. The common cause of that trouble has some pretty sobering statistics: 1 in 8 men will have prostate cancer in their lifetime; each year, 4000 men are diagnosed with it, and 700 die from it. By 19 November, I already knew I had prostate cancer; had it confirmed in October, and had my name down for a radical prostatectomy; so thoughts of death and dying were not unusual. And while I was standing there, I thought of the other men; it didn’t seem right to strike up a deep and meaningful conversation in the men’s toilets, and besides, you don’t want to be talking about, well, you know, those problems. Perhaps I should have said, “I know what’s causing mine – I’ve got prostate cancer – what’s your excuse?’” Or as I passed the line of gentlemen waiting outside I could have stopped at every eighth person and delivered a little poem; “Sorry mate, you’re number 8!”’

Warped sense of humour, I know; still, it helped a lot going through a difficult time; but prostate cancer is not something you take lightly. On the positive side, if caught early, there is a very strong likelihood of a good outcome; the treatment can go well; and the after-effects can be minimal. But things can go the other way, needing further treatment, or leaving after-effects that for some can seem worse than the procedures.

People want to know who is at greatest risk. Not surprisingly, the single biggest risk factor for developing prostate cancer is, well, being a man! There’s not much most of us can do about that. It’s the same with the second biggest risk factor; growing older! So if you’re a man who is up around 60 years old and growing older, then that’s you, and you need to be keeping an eye out for symptoms. And therein lies the problem; the symptoms are pretty much the same as for ‘growing older‘– increasing trouble with the waterworks. And maybe that’s why we don’t identify it. Of course, there’s some denial in there too; “I’m just the same as any other man my age!’,’ we proclaim. Interesting to know who you compared yourself with, given that we don’t like to talk about those problems.

So this is not an attempt to provide medical information or clinical advice, but simply to alert you to the possibility that all may not be well, and you should get things checked out, and – horror of horrors – you might need to talk to someone about it! Because the best news is that for men whose prostate cancer is diagnosed and treated early, their survival rate 5 years down the track is better than 99%.

So enough doom and gloom and thoughts about death; back to the Tami Neilson concert! It was amazing – powerful, energetic, and then dammit, emotional; it comes to the song she famously sings with Willy Nelson, dreaming about being reunited with her father who has died and is now ‘Beyond the Stars’… Well, don’t even go there. And yeah, I bought the album.

Useful links:

Prostate Cancer Foundation
https://prostate.org.nz/

Cancer Society
https://www.cancer.org.nz/cancer/types-of-cancer/prostate-cancer

Manatū Hauora Ministry of Health
https://www.health.govt.nz/your-health/conditions-and-treatments/diseases-and-illnesses/prostate-cancer

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