Driving home for Christmas

Yes folks, it’s that time again. I’m listening to this song as I start this blog; a nice song from Chris Rea – sentimental, hopeful, and typical of what many people will be feeling as Christmas looms. You’ve probably got your numbers sorted for Christmas Day, and there’s a mixture of excitement, anticipation – and dread; these big family gatherings can be difficult with all the dynamics involved. A wise family friend shared a very poignant observation during this last week; “Christmas is that time when people who haven’t really kept in touch throughout the year all get together – and are reminded that the reason they haven’t kept in touch throughout the year is because they really don’t get on….”

Christmas brings its challenges. While “Driving home for Christmas” is a more meaningful song about the season than say, “Snoopy’s Christmas” or “Grandma got run over by a reindeer”, it remains blissfully unaware that some people won’t be driving home this Christmas.

People move away, grow apart, can’t get away from their job…. And of course, for many reading this blog, a loved one has passed away during the year and this will be the first Christmas that, despite the family and friends gathered, they’ll be feeling particularly alone. And let’s be brutally honest here; for some people, being run over by a reindeer might seem a pretty good alternative to celebrating Christmas.

Well, that’s taken the twinkle out of the tinsel, hasn’t it! But it’s a reality, and the World Health Organisation has recently made it official, with a declaration that Loneliness is now recognised as a ‘Global Public Health Concern’ and could be considered a global epidemic. Their research has quantified the issue; 1 in 4 older adults, and 15% of adolescents are experiencing loneliness.

There are health risks attached. It is suspected that loneliness increases the risk of premature death by up to 30%, through heart disease, stroke and dementia. And I’m not sure that they’ve counted depression in there. Depression in the elderly is very hard to measure and is often overlooked and untreated. Some of the causes are obvious; an older person may lose their partner, their peers, their health, their house, their independence. That’s a lot of Grief right there. Then there’s the loss of hobbies and activities, and the loss of dignity in terms of what they aren’t able to do for themselves.

As for the younger people, a major concern is that social media is not, in fact, social. It is no substitute for face-to-face interaction. Despite being able to interact with others around the whole world, people may not have someone close by when they need to reach out; they need to be integrated into the society where they live.

But let’s stick with the older people for now. WHO makes an important point about social connection, in fact their statement is about “loneliness and social isolation”. Although theirs is a new statement, we already knew it and there are many things being done to increase social connection:

• Rest homes / retirement villages provide living environments and activities conducive to connectedness
• Through their transport and companion services, Driving Miss Daisy helps people to stay connected with family, friends, hobbies, activities, clubs and community groups
• Age Concern provides many activities as well as opportunities for social gathering
• Churches and agencies run activity groups, and provide social opportunities around meals

It’s an extensive list, and there are plenty of opportunities, but older people often need support – and a lot of convincing – to tap into these resources. So personal interaction remains key to social connectedness.

Who do you know that won’t be able to drive home for Christmas this year? And who do you know who may be facing their first Christmas without a ‘significant other’?  This is a good time to be reminded about the deeper meaning of Christmas, where it is more valuable to give than to receive, where being gracious is better than being a grinch, and that putting yourself out may well result in bringing someone in, to a less lonely space. And you might be able to put the ‘Merry’ into someone else’s Christmas.