What’s worse than coming home with luggage missing?

Q: What’s worse than coming home with luggage missing?
A: Coming home from a tour of duty with extra baggage. Read on…

A soldier returned from his tour of duty in East Timor and decided to take some very well -earned rest and recreation. He decided to come home and stay with his mum and then head up into the bush for a spot of hunting. Arriving home, there wasn’t a bedroom available, but he was happy just to be home and didn’t mind sleeping on the couch in the lounge.

At some time in the night, his mum needed to go out to the kitchen for a glass of water. Our soldier had become pretty good at sleeping lightly in case of trouble. Stirred by the sound of Mum heading for the kitchen, and before he even had time to think, he rolled off the couch, under the coffee table where he was keeping his gun, and rolled out the other side of the table with his rifle sights set firmly on the enemy; his mother (luckily, both for me and my mother, that wasn’t me).

Another member of the Defence force returned from East Timor, and he too took some time for R and R. He was dozing on the ferry and had one of those dreams where you’re walking up the stairs and your foot slips on one; or you trip on something and your leg shoots out and you wake with a jolt. He was in a state of panic, and started searching frantically in his gear, tore open his bag and was feverishly trying to find something. His travelling companion, startled, called out, “What are you doing? What are you looking for?” And as the fog was slowly lifting from his adrenaline-addled brain, he replied, “I can’t find my…” and stopped short, realising that a civilian announcing he was looking for a gun was probably not the smartest reply in front of a ferry-load of puzzled passengers (that was me).

These are not unusual experiences for our returned servicemen and servicewomen; many, if not most oh who will come home with extra baggage. I’ve heard that shopping mall carparks are particularly troublesome for veterans; when they hear a sliding door on a van, their instinct is to take cover – the noise is similar to that of mortar fire.  There are other triggers; sounds, sights, smells, and these can apply to any area of difficult memories; accidents, abuse, assaults, bereavement, in fact any significant loss; the loss of a house through fire or flood, or earthquake.

Post traumatic stress is also a close relation of grief, because often the issue is loss, and there are emotional dimensions beyond the physical. You might lose a job, but there’s a loss of identity; you might lose a relationship, but there’s a loss of the dream of family and living happily ever after; your house might be burgled, but there’s a loss of security. There are also unexpected crossovers; I know a lady who bought a new mobility scooter – but she can’t use it, because driving over those funny yellow knobby things on the pavement beside crossings etc is a sudden reminder of the Christchurch earthquakes.

Anniversaries are always difficult; and memorials and days of remembrance can bring feelings right back to the fore. You could argue that the steady flow of “International Day of the (insert worthy cause here)” just stirs things up for people and we shouldn’t have them. But those commemorations provide several valuable benefits:

• Regular exposure of the traumatic memories, but in a safe setting can help to desensitise the trauma
• It helps people realize they are not alone
• It provides access to information, resources and support
• It normalises these experiences and allows them to be spoken about more freely.

It seems to have been pretty heavy going lately; we’ve had mental health week, prostate cancer month, and suicide prevention day. Gumboot Friday  and Remembrance Day have just been. People tell us that we aren’t in it alone, but we can forget. I did; when I came home, the people I served with all came from different military bases, and it wasn’t until a year later that we got together again. And that’s when I heard that other soldier’s story; and I thought, “Thank God it’s not just me”.

Some useful links:

https://www.rsa.org.nz/get-support/health-and-wellbeing/
https://www.veteransaffairs.mil.nz/get-support/